The Film Version:
+ While it is, in fact, a classic, this is not a movie that is meant for children. This will not stop my father from showing it to them at the earliest age possible.
+ Barring my actually inventing some form of time-travel, this is the closest I’ll get to understanding the kind of immigrant experience my father’s grandparents had when they first came to America. (Trufax, my friends. Mafia connections and all.)
+ Everyone has secrets. It’s just the way things work.
+ Leave the gun, but always take the cannoli.
+ Fear may be a powerful thing, but friendship is remembered. Friendship is rewarded.
+ Always be careful when approaching toll booths.
+ Food and prayer can’t fix everything, but they definitely help.
+ Oranges are a sign of impending death and doom.
+ Something goes wrong, you come home. That’s what family’s for.
+ No man has the right to put his hands on you. Ever.
+ Keep your friends close, but your family closer.
The Actual Novel:
+ Mama Corleone does not have a name.
+ In times of great trouble, the men will take care of everything. The women should stay in the kitchen and wait for news.
+ Sonny Corleone’s heart is as big as his dick - which, by the way, is pretty big.
+ Lucy Mancini has a cavernous vagina.
+ If your husband hits you, it’s your fault. You did something that made him want to hurt you.
+ Virgins are the best in bed. Period.
+ Even if you have lived will someone since the age of twelve and practically been adopted by their family in all but name, you will never understand what it means to actually be a part of that family.
+ Lucy Mancini’s cavernous vagina is so important that in the middle of a country-wide mafia war – not to mention when people are launching an assassination attempt on Michael while he’s hiding out in Sicily – it has a total of two and a half chapters dedicated to it. (No, really. This happens.)